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TED-Ed Innovative Educator, Kim Preshoff, based in Williamsville, NY, has been an environmental teacher for over 30 years.

Here, Preshoff shares a list of TED-Ed Lessons and TED Talks to watch and discuss with students.

As an environmental educator for more than 30 years, I have had the unique perspective of watching the climate change issue evolve over time and see first-hand students that care about what is happening. They care about future generations and they want change. So, how can we help them? Climate change can be a daunting and sometimes scary topic to discuss. My consistent response: “Knowledge is power!” Only by providing students with the science of climate change, and perspectives about what is truly happening in areas across the world, can we empower them to make a difference. Climate change must become a daily topic of discussion in classrooms across the globe, and part of everyday conversations.

TED has created several unique and informative lessons on climate change that will provide students, educators, and parents with the science and background necessary to understand the true impact of this issue. I consider these five animations my must-watch list:

Climate change: Earth’s giant game of Tetris - Joss Fong

Using the game Tetris as a comparison, this video is a terrific introduction to the carbon cycle, what can cause an imbalance in that cycle, and how that imbalance is affecting Earth’s climate. Can you define the greenhouse effect? You will after this lesson! It also covers the creation of fossil fuels, how they cause today’s imbalance in the carbon cycle, and the effect deforestation has on the carbon budget. This lesson is a fun and unique way to present the difficult topic of the carbon cycle.

Is the weather actually becoming more extreme? – R. Saravanan

Knowing the difference between weather and climate is a key point in the discussion of climate change issues.  Extreme weather events such as heat waves, wildfires and tropical cyclones have been increasing over the last 40 years. Could climate change be the culprit? Earth’s average temperature has increased nearly 1 degree C over the last 150 years– the end result is more energy in Earth’s atmosphere, and in turn more extreme weather events. Questions about climate versus weather? This lesson will clarify the differences.

Why the Arctic is climate change’s canary in the coal mine - William Chapman

How can the Arctic be used as a predictor of climate change? The Arctic region is kept in balance with feedback loops– both positive and negative.  Positive loops amplify effects while negative loops stabilize effects. Studying these feedback loops in relation to cloud cover, melting sea ice, and reflectivity can help scientists predict the effects of climate change. The Arctic is the most often talked about region in regard to climate change– this lesson will provide the background information needed to understand why.

Underwater farms vs. Climate change – Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Megan Davis

What exactly is aquaculture? Can aquaculture help fight climate change? Is there a sustainable way to farm the ocean? Aquaculture, while providing food for people, can have some negative repercussions. The answer: restorative ocean farming. A sustainable underwater farm can feed people a more healthy diet, provide jobs, and, at the same time, sequester carbon from the atmosphere. When students are looking for potential solutions to climate change– use this lesson as an example.

Can wildlife adapt to climate change? – Erin Eastwood

How resilient is nature in adapting to climate change? Scientists have seen changes in organisms, but many of these changes are not heritable. Approximately 20 different species have evolved adaptations to climate change. While this might seem like good news, humans will have to play a role in maintaining biodiversity, and helping species to continue to thrive in this changing environment. This lesson may provide a bit of hope about animals versus climate change.

In addition to these lessons, TED’s new initiative COUNTDOWN, has amplified TED Talks that provide great perspectives on issues around the world that people are facing everyday. Remember, with climate change problems, there are also climate change solutions. Through learning new perspectives, we can truly understand what other communities are going through and make changes that positively impact every person on this planet. Here are the TED Talks on my must-watch list:

10 years to transform the future of humanity or destabilize the planet - Johan Rockstrom

Has the Earth reached its climate change tipping point that could potentially make earth uninhabitable for future generations? Evidence is pointing to yes; we have begun to potentially destabilize Earth as we know it, yet we have failed to mitigate climate change. Rising sea levels, permafrost belching methane, and interwoven systems may be the downfall of Earth’s stability. Want solutions? Stewardship, science, a view of Earth as a global commons, and a willingness to change. This TED Talk will provide you with a solid foundation about what is happening in regard to climate change.

Cities are driving climate change.  Here’s how they can fix it - Angel Hsu

Urban areas contain the majority of people on Earth, and these cities have a great impact on climate change. They can decrease our carbon footprint or they can be urban heat islands. One solution is equity in greenspace for all residents of all economic levels and races. This talk provides perspective about the unique issues encountered by people living in large urban areas, and ways they can mitigate the effects of climate change.

Climate justice cannot happen without racial justice - David Lammy

When struggling with racial injustices, climate change gets put on the back-burner. But racial and climate injustices must be addressed together. Who is most likely to breathe in polluted air, live in an area suffering from extreme heat, or have homes surrounded by fewer trees? People of color who make up a greater percentage of our low economic communities. Often, individuals and countries that are most vulnerable to climate change are  those who contribute the least to the issue. Only by bringing all stakeholders to the climate change discussion can this truly be remedied. Watch this talk and gain perspective about the need to involve every citizen in the climate change discussion.

The city planting a million trees in two years - Yvonne Aki-Sawyerr

How can deforestation affect a community? Lack of trees can cause landslides, flooding, and loss of biodiversity. Aki-Sawyerr’s goal is not to just plant trees, but to grow a tree steward program. The end result is a city that is collectively proud to protect itself and its homes as trees are planted in yards, schools, offices, and public spaces. While it may not be the complete answer to climate change, these trees provide a much needed carbon sink for her city. This TED Talk is proof that taking action can truly make a difference.

How to be a good ancestor - Roman Krznaric

We as humans are destroying the environmental inheritance of future generations- those with no voices about what is occurring. We need to become good ancestors, but how? Be a time rebel, extend your vision– look forward to the future, and keep our future Earth inhabitants in mind when planning out goals. Ask kids who to vote for and discuss the future with them. Focus on and learn from nature, regenerate the Earth, and take care of the place that will take care of our offspring. This TED Talk emphasizes the importance of looking forward for the sake of future generations.

Interested in learning more about climate change? Here are some additional resources and platforms:

TED-Ed’s Earth School, a 30-day journey of daily Quests using videos, resources, and activities compiled by Earth experts for students to learn more about the environment and climate change

The Count Us In project, which has 16 actionable steps you can take on your own, with your family, friends or school

United Nations Environment Program

NASA: Global Climate Change

NPR: Resources on Climate change

NOAA Climate

Thoka Maer

One evening, I called my sons to come to eat — and got no response.

True confession: In anger, I marched into their room and kicked off the power button on their gaming console.

You’d have thought it was the end of the world. The boys were so mad and upset at me as their screen went blank. I brought them down to dinner, and my response to their behavior would typically have been: “You’re wasting away your life on video games.”

But that night, I chose to be curious instead of critical. I asked them: “Why is video gaming so important to you?”

I am so glad I asked. My boys were surprised, responding, “Mom, you really want to know?”

I replied: “Yes!”

They said: “Mom, everybody we know plays video games.”

They weren’t exaggerating. According to the Entertainment Software Association, 2.5 billion people on this planet are gamers. (“Gamer” simply refers to somebody that plays video games.) That’s roughly one-third of humanity.

My boys helped me discover an entire world that I knew nothing about, let alone knew how to parent. Gaming today is a connected, multiplayer, interactive entertainment experience. It’s full of competition, problem solving, puzzles, logic. Good stuff, right? It’s also full of conversations, culture, history, musical scores, art, dialogue, moral choices — stuff you actually want your kids to learn. Plus, gaming has philosophy, strategy, and amazing skill.

Imagine reading a really good book, or watching a great movie or sporting event — but this time you get to manipulate it, compete in it and interact with it. That’s modern video gaming.

The boys continued to teach me more things. For example, they told me that when I shut off the game, they get a suspension, explaining, “Mom, we have a responsibility and you keep asking us to pause the game. You can’t pause an online game. Seriously, Mom, you can’t pause a game.”

Then they said this: “You actually hurt us when you call us ‘loners’ and ‘losers’. We’re live on a headset in a multiplayer game with our friends, and we’re actually meeting new, real friends.”

That was the day I had an earth-shattering epiphany — I’m more alone in the kitchen cooking dinner than my boys are gaming upstairs. So I started embracing my kids as gamers, and this is what I yell out still to this day; “It’s almost time for dinner, where are you at in your game ?” I find out, I make the adjustment, and then we have that peaceful connected family dinner that I wanted in the first place.

One time, my oldest son Connor came to me and said “Mom, seriously, what do I need to do to get you to leave me alone after 3PM today?” I realized I could use his request to my advantage. So I made a list: Get your homework done and engage with Grandma at the table at lunch time (eye contact and all); I even added pulling weeds to the list. He got everything done. He said “Mom, this is so cool. All I really wanted to do this afternoon was rank up.”

In gaming, there are levels and leagues and rewards to be earned, so I figured if it’s important to him, it needed to be important to me too. This is exactly what Dr. Chris Haskell, associate clinical professor and esports head coach from Boise State University, says about his esport scholar-athletes. He is looking for gamers that have goals and are willing to improve in their game. In fact, many colleges now give scholarships for esports, and both the military and other industries now use video-game-type simulations in their jobs.

I started treating gaming like a sport with practices and everything. Would you go to your kid’s soccer practice or their baseball game and start yelling at the coach, “Stop everything, my kid needs to take out the trash now”? Of course not. I chose to let my kids game uninterrupted as long as they first took care of their responsibilities.

Gaming brings the entire world together with its common language and its team dynamics. Young people are watching others play video games. I used to criticize them for doing this. Well, my husband also watches other people play games — he’s a huge San Francisco 49ers fan. This past season, a game went into overtime and ended up lasting for four-and-a-half hours. Did I go lecture my husband and say, “You’re rotting your brain away and you’re wasting your life”? I chose to let him enjoy watching pro sports. When a gamer is watching another person play video games, they’re usually watching the pros and they’re trying to get tips and tricks for the games that they play.

Since I began talking to my sons about gaming, I’ve had a chance to interview some professional gamers. One of them remembered a time when he was with his extended family, and they were all going around sharing about their lives and trying to catch up with one another. When it was his turn, he started talking about video games and his love of playing. One of his aunts rudely announced to everyone: “Why don’t you tell us something that people are actually interested in?”

Everybody had a good laugh at his expense, and he’s hardly talked to his extended family since then — and that was over a decade ago. I wonder what would have happened if that aunt had chosen to be curious instead of critical?

By now you may be thinking, “Well, she didn’t bring up about any of the bad stuff about video games.” You’re right.

It’s true — there are concerns with online communication and other issues, but that’s why it’s even more important to be involved in a gamer kid’s life. In my own home, my sons and I have maintained an open dialogue about online behavior and balance. Now, years later, I know my younger son still games with his older brother, even though they’re over 300 miles apart. This melts my heart. Gaming has kept their connection close.

My advice isn’t just for parents. It’s also for grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles, godparents, good friends, school administrators and other relatives: Be curious.

Here’s a simple solution. Start a conversation with your gamer kid by asking them these three questions:

What games do you play?
Why do you enjoy playing those particular games?
Can I watch you game sometime?

If we don’t embrace gaming, we might lose connection with the people that we love the most.

This piece was adapted from a TEDxIdahoFalls Talk. Watch it here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cara Lane is a trainer, a motivational speaker, communication coach and author.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

VultLab

Today, over 1.5 billion children are unable to go to school. Coronavirus’ impact goes beyond the health and economic crisis; it is also jeopardizing the education of students around the world.

Teachers are scrambling to offer students lessons online and parents are desperate for activities that will keep their kids engaged and connected to the outside world.

In response to this crisis, an unprecedented coalition of over fifty environmental and education experts are collaborating to launch The Earth School: 30 adventures for learners of all ages to discover, celebrate, and connect to nature. This global team came together under the guidance and support of TED-Ed and UNEP to design lessons for students of all levels and host Earth School at a time when it matters the most.

These experts have been supported by over 30 organizations including National Geographic, WWF, and the BBC who have offered top caliber videos, articles, and interactive resources that will be shared around the world. The initiative launches on Earth Day on April 22 and will conclude on World Environment Day on June 5. Earth School is comprised of daily adventures, or Quests, each organized around the theme: “The Nature of…” While the initiative is hosted online, the Quests are very much designed to encourage young people to connect with nature and their environment.

Covering real world concepts like the t-shirts we wear, the water we drink, the trees in our forests or the food on our plates, each Quest will consist of a discovery video and fun quiz combined with a series of interactive resources – including additional content to watch, read, teach, do, and share, with age-adjusted exercises built into each lesson.

The team behind Earth School is thrilled that it can help solve three major problems right now:

First, there are so many great environmental resources online that future environment experts don’t know where to begin. Earth School aggregates a wide span of lessons from trusted sources under a single platform. With these lessons, learners of all ages will be able to explore how to live greener and cleaner lives individually and in their communities.

Secondly, young people (in fact, all people!) are stuck inside, more disconnected from nature than ever before. Earth School encourages young people to understand how nature and our ecosystems provide the foundations for a healthy planet, and healthy people. We aim to inspire the awe and wonder of nature in Earth School students and help them finish the program with a firm grasp of how deeply intertwined we are with the planet.

And finally, the team at Earth School aims to help the parents of students around the world, many of whom are taking on their children’s education for the first time. Locating quality lessons and activities online is no easy task; we hope to support them in this unfamiliar moment of global pause and provide the spark of inspiration that will connect young people to nature.

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If kids don’t feel trusted — or if there isn’t anyone close to them whom they can rely on — they can really suffer. Esther Wojcicki, an educator and mother of three superstar daughters, explains why trust is essential and how to build it in the young people in our lives.

Esther Wojcicki has inspired thousands of kids through her 35-year-and-counting career as a journalism and English teacher at Palo Alto High School in California. She and her husband, Stanley, have also raised three exceptionally accomplished daughters: Susan (YouTube CEO), Janet, a Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher), and Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andMe). So she knows quite a bit about helping young people grow into great grown-ups. Here, she writes about the critical importance of trust and how to cultivate it in children, starting at a very early age.

All you need is one person, just one person who trusts and believes in you, and then you feel you can do anything. Unfortunately, a lot of children — like Michael, a former student of mine — don’t have even one person. Michael was an editor-in-chief of the Campanile, Palo Alto High School’s newspaper, in 2013, and his struggles represent those of many other young people.

For Michael, the pressures started early. “I had very strict parents,” he says. “They would tell me if I didn’t do well in school, I’d be homeless.” His early teachers weren’t very supportive either, and people misinterpreting his behavior and motivations became a common theme in his life. “I would get admonished,” he says, “by peers and educators telling me if I followed the rules and paid attention, of course I’d do better. It was almost part of my core being, to be this thing that was trodden on; everything I did turned into some kind of moral shortcoming.”

By the time he made it to my class, Michael described himself as “completely burned out like a pile of ash.” The school newspaper was the only thing he derived any meaning from, and still he could barely muster the will to show up. But he did. I got to know him as a bright but disconnected kid. He’d come into class and have no idea what he wanted to do or write about.

“To hear outside confirmation that someone believed in me… helped me not to crumble.”

I’ve seen so many students like this — they’re afraid but they’re also rebellious. They’re not cooperative. They’re difficult, even aggressive, and it’s because every single one of them feels bad about themselves. They’re constantly trying to prove to themselves — and to others — that they’re better than everyone thinks, but they’re constantly scared they’ll fall short.

During one of our production nights, Michael was struggling with music theory homework. “I was exhausted, trying to figure out this assignment,” he says, “and I was half-assing it.” Other students teased him for struggling, and he thought to himself, as he often did, “That’s right, I can’t do it.” I saw what was happening, walked up to the kids, and said, “He’s taking longer because he’s smart.” I knew deep down that Michael wanted to get it right, not just rush through it.

This was the first time that Michael had heard an adult say his abilities and intelligence were seen and respected. “To hear outside confirmation that someone believed in me,” he says, “even in the presence of other students who didn’t — it was awesome. It helped me not to crumble.”

That day was a turning point for him. He started to trust himself and called on this newfound confidence during his undergraduate years whenever he encountered obstacles or someone told him he’d never make it. He went on to earn a degree in neuroscience at Johns Hopkins, where he’s now a neuropsychiatric researcher. He’d found his one person to believe in him by accident, and it made all the difference.

Parents and teachers can sometimes forget how important we are in the lives of our children. We have so much control we have in shaping their confidence and self-image. And it all starts with trust, with believing a child is capable, even through setbacks, surprises and all the complications that come with growing up.

Trust empowers kids, whether it’s in the classroom or in the world at large, and the process of developing trust starts earlier than you think. Infants who are securely attached to their parents — who feel they can trust and depend on them — avoid many behavioral, social, and psychological problems that can arise later. A child’s fundamental sense of security in the world is based on their caregiver being someone they can rely upon.

Remember, trust is mutual. The degree to which your children can trust you will become reflected in their own ability to trust. Studies show that children rated as less trustworthy by their teachers exhibit higher levels of aggression and lower levels of “prosocial behavior” such as collaborating and sharing. Distrust in children has also been associated with their social withdrawal and loneliness.

“Many parents are operating from their own insecurities or doubts: Doesn’t their child need them?”

If we don’t feel trusted when we’re kids — or if there isn’t anyone close to us we can trust — we have difficulty getting over it. We grow up thinking we’re not trustworthy, and we accept it as a character trait. Like Michael, we become what we think we are, and we can suffer for it.

So how do we go about building trust in our children? We typically think of trust as handing our teenager the car keys and permitting them to drive on their own, or letting our 12-year-old stay home alone for the first time. But trust needs to start soon after kids are born.

Babies observe our every move as they learn how to get what they need from us. They know how to make us smile. They know how to make us cry. They may be dependent on us for everything, but they’re a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. You need to respond to their needs, especially early on so they can feel you and their environment are trustworthy, but it’s also a fantastic time to start teaching your child some important lessons.

Many parents are operating from their own insecurities or doubts: Doesn’t their child need them? And if they don’t, what kind of parents are they? I firmly believe that you want your child to want to be with you, not to need to be with you.

This tension first arises with sleep. Your children can and will sleep on their own if you believe they can do it and if you teach them how. Kids learn to self-soothe, when given the opportunity, by sucking their thumbs, using pacifiers, or playing with toys. My daughters always had stuffed animals, and sometimes I’d wake up and find Susan talking to her teddy bear. Janet used to sing in bed. Because we’d built a relationship of trust, they learned they could entertain themselves and meet a lot of their own needs which meant that my husband and I got to sleep. A win-win.

As kids grow, they can be given more and more opportunities to build their own trustworthiness. The choices you make with your child will dictate the culture of your family. You always want to ask yourself whether you’re actively building trust in them or whether you’re shutting your child down. For young children, little achievements can build their trust and belief in themselves. They tie their own shoes, and it works! They put on their own clothes, and it works! They walk to school, and that works too! Through these small victories, they can see the tangible results of their efforts.

While you can’t always trust a small child to make intelligent choices, you can guide them in considering options and picking the best one. If I gave my nine-year-old grandson a lollipop and told him not to eat it, I know he still would. But if I explained why he shouldn’t eat it, that sugar isn’t healthy and might even give him cavities and that eating it before dinner will spoil his appetite, he could start to learn how to make better choices. OK, he might go ahead and eat the lollipop anyway, but as we work on these kinds of decisions over time, he would build the skills for living a healthy life and take care of himself.

“When we are fearful and hover over our children, they become afraid.”

Each age brings its own instances of trust. When my daughters were around 5, I’d ask them whether they were hungry and then I’d believe their answer. I did bring snacks with me in case they misjudged their hunger. If we were on a long car ride and they didn’t want to eat when we stopped for a meal, I’d explain we wouldn’t stop at another restaurant for several hours and I’d let them determine what to do. I trusted them with their eating decisions.

With teenagers, parents can cultivate trust in a series of steps. For instance, here is how I’d build trust with shopping, one of my favorite educational activities:

Step 1: The parent does everything, selecting and buying all items needed by a child.
Step 2: You trust your child to go with you to the store, and you allow them to make most of the purchasing decisions (giving kids a specific budget is a wonderful way to teach financial responsibility).
Step 3: You let your child gather the needed items on their own; the two of you meet at the registers at a set time and make the final purchases together.
Step 4: Once you’ve built a foundation of trust and taught your child how to be responsible with money, you can give them your credit card and let them shop on their own (many major credit cards allow you to add a minor as an authorized user). Of course, you’ll check the charges and teach them to verify the credit card statement with you at the end of the month.

Another way to gauge your teenager’s trustworthiness is by testing whether they make good on their word. They said they’d be home by 8 PM — were they? If they were late, did they call or text to tell you in advance? After they prove themselves trustworthy, increase their freedoms and responsibilities.

And if they still need to learn to come home on time, have a conversation about what went wrong and troubleshoot together for the next time. Some kids just have a hard time being on time, but don’t give up — give them more opportunities to learn. After all, time management is a skill that many adults lack, too.

If children aren’t empowered with trust and if they don’t feel trustworthy, they’ll have a very difficult time becoming independent. They won’t learn to trust and respect themselves. When we are fearful and hover over our children, they become afraid.

Excerpted from the new book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki. Copyright © 2019 Esther Wojcicki. Used with permission from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Watch her TEDxBerkeley talk now: 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist and mother of Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andme), Susan (YouTube CEO), and Janet (Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher). A leader in blended learning and the integration of technology into education, she is the founder of the Media Arts programs at Palo Alto High School. Wojcicki serves as vice chair of Creative Commons and was instrumental in the launch of the Google Teachers Academy. She blogs regularly for Huffington Post and is coauthor of the book Moonshots in Education.

This piece was adapted for TED-Ed from this Ideas article.

Justin Tran

You don’t need to go to a national park to help your kids fall in love with nature; a walk around the block can be enough.

Technology also doesn’t have to be the enemy. Instead, use it as a tool to enhance their awe, says science communicator Scott Sampson. Growing up, Sampson— paleontologist and CEO of Science World in Vancouver, Canada— went on annual camping trips to the Rocky Mountains with his family.

However, “this was not where I fell in love with nature,” he recalls in a TEDxLangleyED talk. “That happened close to home — looking for rocks in the backyard, playing kick-the-can in the neighborhood, bushwhacking in the local forest. I still remember my mother kicking me outside on a Saturday and telling me to come back in when the street lights came on. I’m pretty sure I remember hearing the door lock behind me as I walked away.”

Even though he knows it’s not possible for today’s children to have that freedom, he encourages parents to help kids fall in love with nature just like he did: through direct experience. He recommends three steps that we — along with the children in our lives — can take to connect with nature.

Step #1: Notice

We don’t need to invest in outdoor equipment or an expensive vacation to get started, says Sampson, author of How to Raise A Wild Child. We just need to notice what’s around us, even if we live in a city. “Too often these days, we walk right past amazing natural events,” he says. “It could be a butterfly on a branch, a hawk hunting silently overhead, it could be a beautiful evening sky. Whatever the clouds are doing at any given moment, you can rest assured that they will never be exactly the same ever again. It turns out just taking a kid for a walk around the block… can be a powerful experience.”

E.O. Wilson first stumbled upon the complex society of ants as a child when he saw them emerging near a sidewalk in Pensacola, Florida, and he went on to become the world’s foremost expert in that insect and an eminent Harvard University biologist. When Sampson himself was a kid, his mother brought him to a nearby pond because she’d heard it had tadpoles. When they got there, he saw nothing. Then, he says, “I stepped into the water and I could see these little things move away, and I realized there was thousands of tadpoles in the water.” His mother urged him to stand in the pond up to his chest.

“Kids value what we value. And if you don’t value the natural world, it’s highly unlikely the kids will.”

Sampson says, “Now I promise you this is not something that most mothers would condone today. But it was a life-changing experience for me. In that pond surrounded by thousands of tadpoles, I had this experience of oneness with the pond, like there was no difference between the pond and me, and that experience has stuck with me my whole life.”

We can start by developing our own simple habit — and one that could open up our perspectives. Sampson suggests, “When you step outside the door in the morning, pause for 10 seconds.” Ask yourself questions like, “What does the air feel like? How many different kinds of birds can I hear? What are the clouds doing?” Most important, he says, “Do these with kids, because here’s the deal: Kids value what we value. And if you don’t value the natural world and show that you care about it, it’s highly unlikely the kids will.”

Step #2: Engage

We need to allow kids to interact with the natural world so they can learn from it. For little kids, a stick and a puddle — or their feet and a puddle — are enough. As they get older, “it’s great to find activities that allow them to demonstrate increasing competence — things like fishing or skiing or hiking,” Sampson says. “Too often these days, when it comes to engaging in nature, we hear the word ‘no’ from parents. ‘No, don’t throw that rock,’ ‘No, put down that stick,’ ‘No, get out of that tree.’ By preventing them from engaging in risky play, we are preventing them from learning how to navigate risk, a skill they will desperately need as teenagers and the rest of their lives. The bigger risk is not letting them engage in this kind of play.”

So rather than being a helicopter parent, “think about being a hummingbird parent,” suggests Sampson. “Sit on the periphery. Zoom in only when necessary, which isn’t very often, and zoom back out again. And as kids get older, increase the distance between you and them to give them greater independence.”

Another way to stoke kids’ interest in the outdoors: tell them about your own encounters — the time you saw an eclipse, went apple-picking, clamming or crabbing, collected daddy long-legs spiders, or grew an avocado tree after making guacamole. Then, provide them with opportunities to start collecting their own stories. Sampson says, “Parents are often nervous about taking kids in nature because they know that those kids are going to ask questions and they’re afraid they’re not gonna know the answers. But here’s the secret: you do not need to know any answers. Questions are far more powerful.”

“If people don’t spend any time outside, why are they going to care about these places let alone live sustainably?”

For example, Sampson and his daughter Jade, then 7, went on a hike one day. (He cautions: “Never go on a ‘hike’ with kids; it doesn’t end well.” Instead, he advises, call it an “adventure”.) He recalls, “We were a few minutes in, and we saw one of my favorite birds, a great blue heron. Jade saw it, turned to me and said, “Daddy, what’s that bird?” And it took every ounce of my biologist training not to give her not only the common name of the bird but the scientific name, its diet, and the habitat that it lives in. But on this particular day … I said, ‘I don’t know. What do you think it is?’ And she said, ‘I think it’s a heron.’ And I said, ‘Well, what do you think it’s doing?’ She said, ‘I think it’s hunting.’ I said, ‘What do you think it’s hunting for?’ She looks up at me and said ‘Rodents.’”

Sampson told Jade they should wait and see what happened. He says, “It was almost as if it was on cue. Within two minutes, this amazing, large bird did that slow-motion, Zen-like bow until it got close to the ground” — and it emerged with a mole in its beak. After they got home, Jade looked in a nature guide and found out the bird’s exact name. Sampson says, “She still remembers it to this day, and she’s 16 years old. Let’s rewind the tape. What if when she had said, ‘Daddy, what’s that bird?’, I said, ‘Hey, that’s a great blue heron,’ and we kept right on walking? [It would have been a] missed opportunity.”

But no uncommon or photogenic animals are necessary to launch an exploration. You can do the same with the pigeons, starlings or squirrels you see on the sidewalk; the flies, bees and mosquitoes that infiltrate your home; or the crickets, cicadas and fireflies that you hear chirping, buzzing and blinking. Ask kids: What do they eat? Where do they sleep? What are their most important abilities? Which animals are their enemies?

Step #3: Wonder

When it comes to the natural world, love and wonder should go hand in hand — if we want our children to connect with it, they need to have the chance to be captivated by it. He says, “You can give them amazing experiences like harvesting and eating plants that they themselves planted and nurtured.” Growing plants that are native to your area can insects and birds to your yard, windowsill or balcony, giving children a lesson in some of the different creatures that make up an ecosystem.

And, adds Sampson, “I am not arguing that we have a back-to-nature movement where we abandon technology. I am not saying we need to take our smartphones and toss them off the nearest bridge, although I admit I am tempted to do that on a weekly basis.”

“Get outside, take your kids there, and let them connect deeply.”

Instead, you can use technology — in the form of science apps and nature apps and science websites and nature websites — as a tool to inform children’s awe. The iNaturalist app allows you to, he says, “take a picture of any plant or any animal, upload it, get some suggestions as to what it might be, and get experts to help you identify it. That data is then used by scientists to monitor changing environmental conditions, so a screen can literally turn a child into a scientist.” There are also a huge amount of cams set up in the world’s wild places that can give kids a real-time look at a variety of habitats and the creatures that live in them.

What’s more, cultivating a relationship with the natural world goes beyond enhancing your child’s immediate wellbeing. It’s crucial for their future — and our planet’s. As Sampson points out: “If people don’t spend any time outside, why are they going to care about these places let alone live sustainably and take care of them?” He says, “Get outside, take your kids there, and let them connect deeply. It is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them, and I promise you will have a lot of fun along the way.”

Watch his TEDxLangleyED talk here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Daryl Chen is the Ideas Editor at TED.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Justin Tran

We call young people who step outside gender lines “brave.” But if adults truly want to support them, we need to be willing to show some courage and embrace some discomfort, say Michele Yulo and Audrey Mason-Hyde.

“When we find out that someone is having a baby, what is the very first question we ask? ‘Boy or girl?’” says Michele Yulo in a talk given at TEDxUtica. Beginning with the blue or pink wallpaper and continuing to trucks or dolls, this distinction sets children on separate gender paths that can shape much of their lives.

But does it need to? Or, are there ways in which we can offer kids more freedom to discover who they are? Yulo and teenager Audrey Mason-Hyde offer their suggestions.

When Michele Yulo’s daughter Gabby first learned to walk and talk, she didn’t show any interest in so-called “girly” things. “In fact,” says Yulo, the Atlanta-based founder of kids’ clothing brand Princess Free Zone, “she didn’t want to be anything like me; she wanted to be more like my husband.”

Yulo made a conscious decision to support Gabby’s preferences, and, when possible, not restrict her from doing and wearing what she wanted. For Yulo, a turning point came when Gabby was seven.

“She already had short hair. One day she said to me, ‘Mom, if boys can have a buzz cut, why can’t girls?’” recalls Yulo. “And there was nothing I could say to that. She was absolutely right; it was her hair, it was her choice. I did say to her, ‘Gabby, if you buzz your hair, I just want you to know people might look at you funny.’” But Gabby told her mother she was fine with that, so they went out to get her a buzz cut.

The result was worth it, says Yulo. “Gabby could not have been happier, and I knew right at that moment that allowing her to walk out into the world how she wanted to walk out into the world was what mattered.”

“These stereotypes set in and attach themselves like a second skin that will follow a child all the way through adulthood.”

How can we translate this to the kids in our own lives? Adults need to learn to embrace them and their choices, according to Yulo. “Sometimes, kids who step outside gender lines are viewed as courageous, but I don’t believe that kids should have to be brave to be who they are. As parents, we have to be.”

This means standing up for them in public when they go against the stereotypes. For example, when Yulo and her family went to Disney World, a hotel employee asked Yulo: Was Gabby her little prince?

Yulo’s response: “No, and she’s not a princess either.’”

However, this doesn’t mean that children can’t enjoy the things they’re naturally drawn to. But we should think about when, where and how we may be directing them to fit the norms. Yulo recalls feeling her heart sink on seeing parents shoo their girls away from the boys’ clothing aisles where she and Gabby were browsing.

It’s easy to think, “What’s the big deal? Our kids have plenty of time to make their own choices when they’re grownups.” But childhood is when so many of our beliefs and self-conceptions are formed, work that it’s much harder to undo later. As Yulo says, “The reality is that these stereotypes set in and attach themselves like a second skin that will follow a child all the way through adulthood.”

Ultimately, this comes down to the aspirations that we hold for our children. Yulo asks, “We have the capability as parents to open up their worlds so that they truly have endless opportunities from which to choose. Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?”

And if we’re truly interested in expanding the possibilities for all children — not just the ones we know well — we need to look at how we handle our casual interactions. In a 2017 TEDxAdelaide talk, Audrey Mason-Hyde, then 12 years old, speaks openly about how strangers can unwittingly impose on one’s personal freedom. “In my experience, one of the first things people do is assume I’m a boy, or aren’t sure whether I’m a girl or a boy.”

Audrey’s distinctive style includes suits, bow ties, and flamingo socks. Exploring the world through fashion and clothing has been key to Audrey’s relationship with gender. “Until about the age of nine, when someone mistook me for a boy, I would reply comfortably that I’m a girl,” says Audrey. “But eventually, it stopped feeling right; instead of gaining confidence the more it happened, I lost it. ‘Girl’ didn’t feel right, but ‘boy’ didn’t feel correct either.”

“What my gender expression and identity is, is entirely about me and not about how other people perceive me.”

Now 14, Audrey identifies as non-binary, or just simply Audrey (and uses the pronouns they/their/them). But this comes with some unexpected complications in public spaces. “I remember one of my first days at school, and I was in the girls’ toilet when two girls I knew came near me and said, ‘Look, there’s a boy in here,’” Audrey recalls. “I looked over my shoulder, but there was no one there. So I asked them, ‘Where?’ I realized they meant me. I was really shocked, as I’d only been around people who knew and understood me. I felt upset and alienated.”

Similar incidents happened in restrooms outside school. Audrey says, “Often, I would get things like ‘Why are you in here?’ or ‘Wrong bathroom.’ This eventually led to me being hesitant and tentative about even going to the bathroom in public.”

These experiences made Audrey only more determined to be themselves. Audrey says, “I’ve realized that, for me, gender is a spectrum. What my gender expression and identity is, is entirely about me and not about how other people perceive me.”

For Audrey, having to think hard about which toilets to use and how people may respond is stressful and a bit dehumanizing. Audrey says, “Using the girls’ toilets, I never feel good, and I still have a tendency to go with someone else. Though I’m not labeled as a particular gender when I go to the disabled toilets, I don’t feel great still, because it just reminds me that there are mostly no toilets for people like me, who don’t identify within the gender binary, and that toilets are just another way we categorize people.”

So, what should we do when find ourselves in a bathroom with someone who has a gender identity that we can’t quite place? Audrey’s advice: Accept not knowing.

Audrey says, “Would it hurt you not to know someone’s gender? Despite how uncomfortable it might make you feel, you assuming my gender makes me feel uncomfortable every day. All I’m asking is for you to just sit with that little bit of uncomfortable to make someone else feel better.”

Watch Michele Yulo’s TEDxUtica talk:

Watch Audrey Mason-Hyde’s TEDxAdelaide talk:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Halton is Assistant Ideas Editor at TED, and a science journalist based in the Pacific Northwest.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Rose Wong

Today, it’s not enough to have one birds-and-the-bees talk; it needs to be an open, ongoing conversation. Author and activist Christa Desir explains why and how.

The first few times I talked to high school students about sexual assault, when we got to the Q & A section, I was inundated with what I call the “Does that count?” question.

“What if we’re both drinking, does that count?”

“What if she said yes but then in the middle she changes her mind, does that count?”

“What if neither of us remember the next day?”

This happened with different high school groups, and eventually, I realized that something was wrong with my presentation. I said, “You know what? Let’s reframe this. Let’s put the legality of this aside, and let’s look at this from the perspective of our own values. Do you want to have sex with someone who doesn’t remember it the next day? Do you want to not remember it the next day? Do you want to be someone’s regret? Or, would you rather be someone’s enthusiastic ‘yes’?”

With these questions, the conversation changed. It got much more open, honest, authentic and vulnerable. It turned out their questions weren’t what was wrong; I was. I was too busy pointing out all the scary and dangerous places where sex can go that I forgot to talk about the wonderful, amazing, awkward and beautiful places. And I’m not the only one.

By only talking to our kids about the dangers of sexual violence, we’re leaving girls feeling afraid and boys feeling indicted. We need to give them the chance to explore their sexual curiosity, and we need to guide them through this very complicated, modern sexual world with transparency, honesty, non-judgment and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, we put sex in the same category of risky behaviors as vaping, texting while driving, and sniffing glue, instead of as something that many of us will do throughout the course of our lifespan. Furthermore, we’re failing to give our young people a language around consent. We are not helping them develop a voice to unapologetically own their “No”s and enthusiastically declare their “Yes”s.

How do we do this? Here’s a 4-step guide to help start these important conversations:

Step 1: Teach consent

Create an understanding in children around consent. This understanding needs to start young. They should learn about good touch and bad touch and the difference between them, that their bodies are their own to make decisions about, and that we are listening to them.

This might mean when you bring your child to a big family party, you don’t insist they hug and kiss every single person in the room. In schools, if it’s not a safety issue, perhaps we don’t require that they hold hands with the person next to them in a circle. What kind of message are we sending kids if we tell them, “Your bodies are your own to make decisions about, but you have to hold the next person’s hand because that’s the nice thing to do”? This is a mixed message, and it’s not good for kids. We also need to give kids the opportunity to say “Yes.” In my house, that means I’ll say to my son, “Hey, buddy, you look kind of sad. Could you use a hug?” and he’ll tell me if he does.

Step 2: Advocate for sex education in schools

We adults need to be advocates for comprehensive sexual education in our local schools. That includes positive representations of LGBTQI youth, information about birth control, instructions on how to use birth control, and information about STI’s. If you can’t make sex ed part of the school curriculum, then make sure it’s taught elsewhere in your communities or in your places of worship. And, of course, we must always keep having these conversations in our own homes.

Step 3: Make it an ongoing conversation

We need to accept that there is not just one sex talk we have with our kids. This should be an ongoing conversation, and you should continue it every opportunity that you have. So if you’re driving to school, listening to the radio, and your 11-year-old hears the morning DJ bring up porn — as morning DJs are wont to do — and your kid asks, “Hey mom, what’s porn?”, you might turn off the radio and then distract him by finding out what he wants for dessert. Or, you could answer the question. You don’t have to give him a full treatise on sex workers’ rights, but you could answer this one question and allow him to ask another one. That’s honesty.

The nice thing about sex being an ongoing conversation is if you muddle it the first time, you’ll always get the chance to do it again. In these discussions, we just need to be as open and non-judgmental as possible and admit that we’re not the captains of the ship who know everything. In fact, we are learning as much as our kids are.

Doing this makes you a person who is safe to talk to, and that’s who you want to be with your children. If they tell you, “Oh, hey, mom, I have this crush,” you could say, “Oh really. What are they like? What do you like about them?” instead of assuming that the person is a he or she.  Similarly, if they tell you that their best friend is a “non-binary aro/ace,” you could say, “Oh really! What’s that?” If you know what that is, you could say “What do you think that means? What does that mean to you?” That’s how you open the conversation and how it keeps going.

Step 4: Embrace the discomfort

Acknowledge that it can be uncomfortable at times to talk about sex. A few months ago, I had my 14-year-old son in the car with me. It was just the two of us, and this never happens. So I thought I would take opportunity to talk, and I turned to him. I said, “Hey, buddy, I just want you to know that if you have a wet dream, it’s totally normal. It’s very common. This happens to adolescent boys all the time. Just let me know because I can make sure we get the laundry done right away so it’s not a big sticky mess for two weeks.” He said, “Yeah, Mom, I know how to do my own laundry, but can you just pull over here on the side of the road? I’ll walk the rest of the way to school.”

As you can see, sometimes it goes wrong, but that’s all right as long as we keep showing up. With these conversations, we’re building the scaffolding — however rickety it might be — beneath our children so they can lead healthy sexual lives that are rooted in open communication and enthusiasm.

This piece was adapted from Christa Desir’s TEDxOakParkWomen talk. Watch it now:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Christa Desir writes contemporary fiction for young adults. She has volunteered as a rape victim activist for more than 10 years, including providing direct service as an advocate in hospital ERs. She is a founding member of the Voices and Faces Project, a nonprofit organization for rape survivors that conducts an international survivor-based writing workshop.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Rose Wong

Children could definitely give the adults in their lives some lessons in parenting. Here are a few, from writer Swati Lodha.

In 2016, author and coach Swati Lodha was on tour in her native India to promote a parenting book she’d written. At one event, an audience member asked a question — but it was for Lodha’s then-16-year-old daughter, Swaraa, who had accompanied her.

His question was perhaps every parent’s nightmare: “Do you think your mother is perfect?”

“Nobody is,” replied Swaraa.

He persisted: “Can you tell me one thing that is wrong with her?”

Her answer: “I could write a book about it.”

Ouch.

So Swati decided to collaborate with Swaraa on a book, as she recalls in her TEDxNNIMSBangalore talk. They interviewed around 200 children — aged 8 to 18 — to find out what the kids really thought about their parents, and what they wished they’d do differently.

You may wonder, “Why should we ask kids for their input?” But after all, we want — and expect — user feedback in most aspects of our lives. As one 14-year-old told them, “When a consumer product is designed, the consumers are asked: ‘What kind of aesthetic features do you want in this product? What kind of functional features would do good?’”

As Swati puts it: Asking for advice is about checking in with kids — but not putting them in charge.

Here are 4 key things that children would like to share with their mothers and fathers, according to the Lodhas’ research:

1. Disagreement is not the same thing as disrespect.

Many of the kids interviewed say that their parents usually see any deviation from their rules or even preferences as disrespectful. Swati Lodha shares a story from her own family. Her daughter, Sharaa, loves to travel with her camera and laptop, which she brings in her carry-on when the family goes on plane trips. On one trip, Sharaa’s dad noticed how long it took the family to get through airport security, so he asked his daughter if she could check her gear instead. Sharaa said no; she prefers to keep her gear with her, worried that the delicate, valuable equipment will be harmed in checked baggage.

But her dad dug in, and the disagreement has become a sore point whenever they travel together. Sharaa thinks her dad has cast her decision as an act of rebellion and willfulness. The last time it happened, her dad said, “You respect these things more than people,” recalls Swati. “My daughter was downcast; she told us, ‘You guys love obedience; you guys dislike defiance.’” Sharaa wishes that her father would respect what she sees as her informed choice to do is best.

As Swati concludes, “What children want from us is that we should recalibrate our relationship with obedience” and respect the reasons behind their behaviors and decisions.

2. Kids don’t need to be told they’re the best.

“Parents … have an emotional investment in their children, so whatever they do becomes the best, and the children also start overestimating themselves in the same way,” says Swati. But the kids she interviewed said they actually didn’t enjoy this inflated perspective. They want to be viewed more realistically and have their parents see them as who they really are — not as who they wish they were. “We should be able to face our fears and our fantasies with equal balance,” explains Swati.

3. Kids get feedback all the time; parents should get some, too.

Growing up is a period of constant assessment when everyone older than a child — parents, siblings, teachers and authority figures — freely volunteers their opinions about how that young person is doing. As one of Swati’s subjects told her, “I am labeled all the time. I am labeled by my teacher as bad at English; I am labeled by my mother as a naughty child; and I am labeled by my sister as being self-centered.” The kids surveyed for the Lodhas’ book pointed out that parents don’t receive all this feedback, and they’d like to be asked for some.

4. Mothers and fathers shouldn’t get so fixated on results.

“Parents love outcomes,” Swati says. “Not only outcomes; they love all the measurable outcomes.” The children they spoke to said they felt pressured by their parents’ emphasis on grades, prizes, medals, game scores and school admittances — especially when it’s in a sport, subject or interest the kids pursued at the parents’ request, not because of their own interest. According to Swati, kids would like their intentions and efforts to be noticed and valued, even when the outcomes aren’t noteworthy.

Watch her TEDxNMIMSBangalore talk now:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Halton is Assistant Ideas Editor at TED, and a science journalist based in the Pacific Northwest.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Jenice Kim

Most of us have stumbled when saying an unfamiliar name. That’s natural, but it’s what we do afterwards that really matters, says writer Gerardo Ochoa.

Do you remember being in 5th grade? I’ll never forget it — because that’s when my name was changed.

I was nine years old, and my family had just immigrated from Mexico to a small town east of Portland, Oregon. Making that change was not easy. People ate different foods, they wore different clothes, and they spoke a different language. I quickly realized that when you are different, it can be very easy for everyone around you to tell you who you should be.

That’s when my name was changed, and I remember precisely when it happened. During the first fifth-grade roll call, the teacher started by calling out “John!” John answered in his squeaky voice: “Here.” Then, the teacher went down the list: “Kimberly!” and “Sarah!” They all called out “Here.” When she got to my name, she said, “Her … Jer … Jerry …” She settled on “Jerry!” (For the record, my name is pronounced “Her-are-doe”).

Without realizing it, she not only changed my name but my life. Because I was still learning to speak English and my parents had taught me to respect my teachers and elders, I didn’t question it. What I wanted to do was fit in. But fitting in came with a price.

Before long, few people knew my real name. It was like an out-of-control wildfire that spread too far, too fast for me to stop it. I accepted my new name, but I knew it was not me. I felt ashamed, I felt dirty, and I felt like a fraud. This wrong name was everywhere — in the school yearbook, my school ID, the local newspaper. Don’t get me wrong: I actually like the name Jerry. The only problem I had with it is it was not my name.

By now, I’ve heard thousands of variations of my name from students, teachers, employers, strangers who’ve become friends, and strangers who’ve remained strangers. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, I’ve researched it, and I’ve reflected on it.

Educator and podcaster Jennifer Gonzalez has done a fantastic job on this subject, and she has come up with three different categories of mispronouncers, which I’d like to describe and build upon. Most of us have been one of them, at one time or another:

The Fumble Mumbler

When I meet a fumble mumbler and introduce myself, they typically get nervous. They attempt to say my name, struggle a bit in the process, and may giggle. They usually settle for some close approximation of my name. I really don’t mind the fumble mumblers, because I can see that they’re trying and they know their problem is with their mispronunciation and not with my name.

The Arrogant Mangler

When I meet a mangler, I know right away what kind of relationship we’ll have — and it’s usually not a good one. When I introduce myself, the arrogant mangler will respond with “Geraldo, it’s great to meet you blah blah blah …” They’ll go on talking, completely oblivious to the fact that they mispronounced my name. Often, they will continue with their own version of my name — even after I correct them. I have very little patience for the arrogant mangler, because to me they’re showing great disrespect or they don’t even care to try pronouncing my name.

The Calibrator

These are my favorite group of mispronouncers. The calibrator will listen to my name, they’ll slow down, read my lips, and attempt to say it. They may get it wrong, but they try again and again until they get it. Sometimes, they’ll come back to me the next day or week to ensure they’ve still got it right. If you struggle to pronounce some names, always strive to be a calibrator.

The Evader

I’d like to add a fourth category to Gonzalez’ list: the evader. These are the people who’d rather call me something different than call me by my name or look silly trying to pronounce it. When I introduce myself, they say things like “Do you have a nickname?” or “I’m never going to be able to say that!” or “Can I just call you G or Jerry?” No matter what they say, it ends up making me feel like an other, like I don’t belong.

Pronouncing someone’s name correctly can make people feel valued, honored and respected — and mispronouncing their name creates real problems. Carmen Fariña, former chancellor of the New York City school system, has spoken about how she was marked absent for six weeks in kindergarten because she never heard her name being called. As it turns out, her name was read but it had been anglicized and mispronounced. Mispronouncing someone’s name leads to invisibility, and when students feel invisible in the classroom, she argues, they are less likely to have academic success.

Mispronouncing someone’s name can even have financial costs. In the 2013 offseason, basketball superstar Stephen Curry — pronounced Steff-en — switched sneaker sponsors, going from Nike to Under Armour. Why? According to an ESPN article that quoted Curry’s father, during Nike’s marketing pitch a couple of executives referred to Stephen as “Steph-on” (with an incorrect emphasis on the second syllable). This and a few other blunders cost Nike the support of an iconic player — and is estimated to have driven some $14 billion in sales to Under Armour.

Why is pronouncing someone’s name correctly such a struggle? When I talked to Nancy, my wife, about this, she shared her thoughts in a way that made a lot of sense. She said, “It’s kind of like driving. Some people have been privileged their entire life driving an automatic; when they meet you, you’re asking them to learn how to drive a stick-shift quickly on the spot. Some people can do it, others are willing to try, and some simply refuse.”

Every time I share the story about my name, I’m comforted by the fact that I’m not alone. So many people have had experiences similar to mine. At the same time, I’m disturbed that most people in the US who connect with it are immigrants and people of color. As our communities continue to be more diversified and globalized, the likelihood we’ll meet someone whose name we can’t pronounce keeps increasing.

All of us, myself included, are going to stumble and fumble. But it’s not your mistake that matters most; it’s what you do after the mistake. That’s when you have the chance to make someone feel like they belong — or feel like they’re the other. What will you choose to do?

Here are three simple tips that have helped me navigate this area:

Be humble — admit when you’re having difficulty with a name.
The first step to pronouncing someone’s name correctly is to acknowledge to yourself that you can’t pronounce it. It’s okay if the other person sees you struggling, and it’s okay if you have to ask for help. Usually, they’ll be more than willing to assist. When I see someone struggling to say my name, I help them, so when they finally achieve success, their success is my success, too. We both win.

Be an active bystander.
When you see and hear someone mispronounce another person’s name, take the initiative and correct them. So far, this has just happened once in entire life, and I’ll never forget it. When a friend corrected somebody else’s mispronunciation of my name, it took the burden off me. Deep down, it made my heart smile.

Don’t ever change someone’s name just because you can’t say it.
Try saying someone’s name, even if you get it wrong. Changing someone’s name is a decision that belongs to that individual, not to you.

I work on a college campus, and my favorite time of year is commencement, when we read graduating students’ names out loud. I’m fortunate to work with colleagues who practice and take great care with their pronunciation. It’s not lost on us that many people have spent so much time and given up so much — particularly immigrants who’ve have left their entire lives behind — to witness that moment when their student takes the stage. Those diplomas are more than pieces of paper. They symbolize sacrifice, hard work and sleepless nights, and people should hear their names pronounced correctly.

Let’s face it: We’re not always going to get people’s names right. But, more than ever, it matters that we try.

This piece has been adapted from his TEDxMcMinnville talk. Watch it here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gerardo Ochoa is a first-generation college graduate and Latinx immigrant, who has dedicated his career to promoting college affordability, access, and graduation. He believes in the power of personal stories to build empathy, create opportunities, and influence change. He is director of community relations at Linfield College in McMinnville, Oregon. You can follow him on twitter: @gerardoochoa

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Jenice Kim

Let’s celebrate boys for their abilities, values and passions, and show them that their character matters more than their height, says rapper and poet Meta Sarmiento.

I was born and raised on the island of Guam. An unincorporated territory of the US, Guam is located in Micronesia. One of the first things I learned in kindergarten was that you couldn’t find Guam on a globe without using a magnifying glass. Imagine a half-grown child, standing on shore, staring at the expansive horizon and realizing a single grain of sand is bigger than his home on a map.

Now I’m not that half-grown child anymore. I’m more like a half-grown adult — I’m 5’5” when I got my shoes on.

When you’re a tiny kid who grows up in a tiny house on a very small island, you naturally start to feel how big the rest of the world is. In a society that emphasizes the enormity of things, being little can be a huge hurdle. At school, the bigger kids roughed me up because they could.

It began innocently enough — can’t get on the roller coaster because I’m too short, can’t join my division in football because I’m too light, can’t date girls in heels. But, then, life got more complicated — can’t defend the people I love, can’t speak my mind because I’m too afraid, can’t compete with others in my field of work on a global scale.

Everything I learned taught me that size will always be the final measurement of strength. How could little old me ever be strong? I carried that question with me, and at every turn I heard the same answer — a voice saying, “You’re too weak.” Eventually, that voice started screaming, “You will never be good enough for anyone or anything,” and I believed it.

I felt hopelessly weak for a long time until my sister gave birth to Elijah, her first son and my eldest nephew. Everyone in my family says he reminds them of me. He’s musically inclined, he loves to read, he’s emotionally intelligent — and he’s also really small.

So when I started seeing myself in him, I grew worried. I didn’t want him to harbor the same self-doubts or feel hopelessly weak, but I knew it was inevitable. I wanted to be that super-awesome uncle who could help him through it all, but how could I do that if I was stuck in the same place?

Eli was my motivation to figure things out. One of the most important things I did was ask myself: “In what other ways am I strong?”

I realized that we need to stop portraying boys’ strength in such a limited way. We need to stop focusing on mass alone — the extent of one’s strength should not be determined solely by one’s size. Why? Because we are so much more than a push or a pull or a fist and a body.

If we can teach young boys at an early age to look beyond their physical attributes and to look inward to reflect on their abilities, their values, their passions and their knowledge, we might have a world full of boys and men who are less obsessed with proving strength through how much space they occupy, control or destroy.

I viewed myself as this tiny kid from this tiny island, when I should have been viewing myself as a young man from Micronesia, a region rich with culture, talent and perseverance.

And I should have seen that right next to Guam is the Marianas Trench, the deepest place on this planet. It’s a world so submerged and unexplored that we’re only just beginning to understand what’s inside of it. I think that’s how we should view strength — true strength is defined by the depths of our character and our potential.

This piece was adapted from his TEDxMileHigh talk. Watch it here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Meta Sarmiento is a Filipino rapper and poet from Guam, and he is now based in Denver. Sarmiento was a finalist for the 2019 Sonia Sanchez-Langston Hughes Poetry Contest, Top 12 Finisher at the 2018 WRLD UNDERGROUND MC TOURNAMENT, and a winner of 2015 Spoken Word for the World, where he was flown to Paris to perform during the UN Climate Negotiations. His work often explores themes of cultural identity, masculinity, family and love. Follow Meta on Instagram and Twitter @metasarmiento.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.